It's so crazy how as a Christian, one's prayer life directly correlates with one's physical life. What I mean by that is, when I find myself getting through the day without praying, I find the quality of my life being dull, uninspired, and hazy. Too often, I get in these weird funks where my prayers lack sincerity. I go through the motions as a Christian, but my heart is simply checked out and it is in those times that I'm lukewarm.
What's amusing is, I'm writing about this right now, meaning I know the answer, but I'm not actually changing myself to improve. Theory and application are two very different things. Prayer is so incredibly important as a Christian because not only is it a conversation with God, but it is a conversation with yourself. Introspection. Heart check. All such difficult tasks to fulfill in our seemingly fast-paced lives. I wish my heart had some sort of undying flame, like Napam, but sadly I'm weak and human, my logs of wood only last so long.
I wonder how disappointed God must be when I reject Him from my life KNOWING He's right there. The greatest one-sided love. How foolish I must look when I choose to find comfort in immediate short-lived things when I KNOW the greatest comfort of all is in Him. It's surely worse to know better, I'd rather be ignorant. For me, when I refuse God, it's because of fear. I'm scared to see the dirty truth within my heart. I cower over what God is going to reveal to me when I pray. How stupid am I...
Don't you know the character of God? All God is asking of you is to come to Him. That's literally it. You don't need to meet Him halfway because you don't have anything to give. Understand that you NEED Him, lift your veil of pride, and come exactly as you are. Pray without fear.
This whole post was freely written. My thoughts were all jumbled and I came to these convictions literally as I was writing. Coincidentally, I had a dilemma of working my Friday shift (biggest money day) or attending Friday Fire (S&L monthly prayer/praise night). It looks like my answer is pretty clear.
I may sound frustrated in this post, but in actuality, God has been so good. The past couple weeks my best friend came for the weekend to see me and my amazing family drove all the way down for Thanksgiving. And next week, I have two more friends flying all the way from Boston to visit. I'm a lucky guy and so thankful that God gave me an SOS when I needed it. I'm just disappointed in myself when God blesses me so fully but I return so little. But hey, what do I have to give back? Nada. I've got a long road ahead me.
Stay Prayerful,
Will Cheon
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