The NOVA Experience: Week 10

When someone asks you how you've been doing, I've realized the worst thing you can say is, "okay." Not good, not bad, just okay. Everyone hates lukewarm water. It's not hot, not cold, it's like a confused child. For a while, I had become content with life. Cruise control mode. I left hangouts with friends happy, but an empty happiness that confused me on my drives back home. When I worked at church, I said the right things and felt good about it temporarily, but it didn't fulfill me. While serving tables, I put on a smile and carried energy out of necessity, but behind that smile was exhaustion. How was I feeling exactly? Eh, just okay.

The cliche that one must experience the lows to appreciate the highs is a true one. It's better to feel something genuine at the least, even if it stinks. When you hit the dumps, let it humble you, then seize the energy to trust in the Lord and get through it. When you reach the highs, let it soak in and appreciate the moment for what it is, God's blessing. 

I went on a hike this past Wednesday and I exchanged life stories with a friend of mine. After sharing mine, I forgot my own unique life rollercoaster. You don't remember the boring straight lines, you remember the highlights when thinking of your past. God had built me up to this point to be the guy I am today through trials and blessings. It's the only way to get through our thick human skulls. After coming to this realization, I found that I wasn't doing okay, because lukewarm is the worst. I dug deeper into my own heart and saw it in all its ugliness: pride, selfishness, ego, self-reliance. The same vices I've struggled with my whole life. God completely humbled me, saying, "I have EVERYTHING to offer YOU, YOU have NOTHING to offer ME." I was blown away in a seemingly uneventful point in my life on a normal Wednesday. It's these moments that God fortifies your faith. 

When feeling stagnant, snap out of it and look deeper into the muck. Complacency is a facade to the real stuff, your heart is simply not ready to accept it, blinded by pride. Heart check, always.

Stay Grounded,

Will Cheon

The NOVA Experience: End of month 2

Expiration dates. Usually applicable to food items that have a certain shelf life, but also used to talk about finite time periods in a person's life. That's been the buzz word in my head for a while and led me to my first existential crisis here in VA.

It's funny, I felt like an actual carton of milk. Just bought one a few days ago and in black lettering it says, "NOV 14" marking the time when that milk becomes inedible. The reason I felt like a carton of milk was because I knew that by around May 2016, I had to leave this place to start a completely new chapter of life and it put a damper over my head. Questions, particularly how to approach friendships here started dotting my mind as I wondered whether meaningful relationships were a smart idea. I kept saying, don't get attached to something you know is coming to a close, my defense mechanism. I told myself to not focus on my personal relationships with people but to just give myself to the ministry and leave knowing it was a year well spent. It was all so very confusing and made me question what I was doing.

While I was going through this funk, a friend called me out saying she'd give me "the look" every time I used that word "expiration date." She pulled me out of my state of mind and I realized how negative I was being. Like most things in life, I needed a perspective change. Rather than focusing on the expiration date, I had to focus on the present day-by-day blessing to be here in VA. My pastor set me straight too, telling me that he envisioned my time here to be about gaining life experience through the ministry, but more importantly through the community around me. He told me don't think of God's intentions and try to carry them out, don't be all noble and say you're here to leave a lasting impact on the ministry, just be yourself and God will use you and everything he's blessed you with. The moment you "try" to do God's will is the moment you become in a sense, self-motivated, doing things through your own accord.

I hate complicated things (such as expiring milk...bacteria fermenting lactose into lactic acid, the same stuff that makes your muscles burn during a sprint...gross stuff), let's keep it as fundamental as possible here. Be the person God has made you to be and all will be well. Don't dread the future, don't regret the past, just make the most of the present.

Stay Simple,
Will