Expiration dates. Usually applicable to food items that have a certain shelf life, but also used to talk about finite time periods in a person's life. That's been the buzz word in my head for a while and led me to my first existential crisis here in VA.
It's funny, I felt like an actual carton of milk. Just bought one a few days ago and in black lettering it says, "NOV 14" marking the time when that milk becomes inedible. The reason I felt like a carton of milk was because I knew that by around May 2016, I had to leave this place to start a completely new chapter of life and it put a damper over my head. Questions, particularly how to approach friendships here started dotting my mind as I wondered whether meaningful relationships were a smart idea. I kept saying, don't get attached to something you know is coming to a close, my defense mechanism. I told myself to not focus on my personal relationships with people but to just give myself to the ministry and leave knowing it was a year well spent. It was all so very confusing and made me question what I was doing.
While I was going through this funk, a friend called me out saying she'd give me "the look" every time I used that word "expiration date." She pulled me out of my state of mind and I realized how negative I was being. Like most things in life, I needed a perspective change. Rather than focusing on the expiration date, I had to focus on the present day-by-day blessing to be here in VA. My pastor set me straight too, telling me that he envisioned my time here to be about gaining life experience through the ministry, but more importantly through the community around me. He told me don't think of God's intentions and try to carry them out, don't be all noble and say you're here to leave a lasting impact on the ministry, just be yourself and God will use you and everything he's blessed you with. The moment you "try" to do God's will is the moment you become in a sense, self-motivated, doing things through your own accord.
I hate complicated things (such as expiring milk...bacteria fermenting lactose into lactic acid, the same stuff that makes your muscles burn during a sprint...gross stuff), let's keep it as fundamental as possible here. Be the person God has made you to be and all will be well. Don't dread the future, don't regret the past, just make the most of the present.
Stay Simple,
Will
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